


A Little Death

by AmericasFanboy



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Bucky is a rebel, Death, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of War, Reaper Steve, Steve is Death, aging Bucky, dead but not gone, loss of limb, mentions of abuse, prosthetic, will tag more as story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-09 11:10:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4346333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmericasFanboy/pseuds/AmericasFanboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's no life without death, so why is Death always the bad guy?</p><p> </p><p>--<br/>James Buchanan Barnes.</p><p>Fatal car accident... or at least it was supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Age 15

**Author's Note:**

> Pay attention to the tags please! 
> 
> Thank you Emma for beta-reading. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Title inspired by "A Little Death" - The Neighbourhood. 
> 
> (The video is NSFW and requires a warning.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no life without death, so why is Death always the bad guy?
> 
>  
> 
> \--  
> James Buchanan Barnes.
> 
> Fatal car accident... or at least it was supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the tags please!
> 
> Thank you Emma for beta-reading. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Title inspired by "A Little Death" - The Neighbourhood.
> 
> (The video is NSFW and requires a warning.)

Age 15 

It's that time of the day. Then again, it's always that time of the day. People die with every blink of an eye and there's no other way around it.

Without death, there's nothing to live for. No clock means no appreciation of what there is while the clock is still ticking. Earth is only so big and can only carry so much life before she withers away to start over again. It's a game of cat and mouse, but there's no clear indication of who is who. Death chases Life, and Life chases Death. It's a never-ending dance. 

Steve knows that, and that's why his job is so easy now. There was a time back when he, too was alive, that he was scared of his job and thought it was the work of evil. After decades of doing the same routine over and over again, he learned that what he actually does is bring peace. 

The realization came to him when he looked a seven year old girl in the eyes, her mother right by her side as she held her daughter's hand, and saw resignation. She had a disease, and though Steve could tell there was pain in her eyes at the thought of leaving her mother behind, he understood the physical pain was too much to bare any longer. When he held out his hand to her, she did not struggle or fight. She did not cry or scream. She squeezed her mother's hand, turning her head so slowly, so weary to whisper a few words, before reaching forward to grasp Steve's hand. He had nodded to her, remembering the exact moment that the monitors in the hospital notified the mother and the nurses who were rushing in that the little girl's heart had stopped. 

Steve waited to see if she would retreat, for it wasn't uncommon that they did at times. There were numerous cases where the souls, after having a final change of heart, pulled away from Steve at the last second and stumbled back into their bodies. Sometimes Steve came back shortly after. Other times he left them alone as a second chance until the day they would inevitably meet again. 

Today should be no different. After dealing with a beloved grandfather who went peacefully in his sleep and a young mother whose abusive relationship sent her straight into his arms, he's ready for the next person. 

James Buchanan Barnes. 

Fatal car accident in Brooklyn, New York. Steve closes his eyes in order for the details to flow through his mind. The fifteen year old was walking home from the store when a drunk driver crashed right into him, killing him instantly. It's nothing new, and though it's sad, Steve has seen it far too many times already to cry anymore. 

He opens his eyes and immediately he is in front of a wrecked car. There's two bodies. One on the floor- he recognizes it to be James. The other, who Steve guesses is the driver, is kneeling down next to the kid and pulling at his own hair with shaky limbs. 

There's always regret far too late. Steve stopped wishing for punishment on those people as soon as he learned that their guilt would haunt them forever. They set out their own painful paths. In the distance, he notices flashing lights heading towards the scene. 

Steve walks over to the child, his body like that of a thrown rag doll, and summons his soul up. The soul is bright, sparkling with life that has to expire much too soon. It fills out into the shape of the boy, and Steve can see how scared he looks. He's trembling, eyes gazing at Steve, and then down at his own dead body on the ground. A squeak leaves the lighted figure, the outlines of his eyes growing wide. 

"Am I...?" He asks, his eyes focused entirely on his mangled body. 

It's always the same question. It doesn't get any easier to answer. "Yes," Steve responds, his voice soft. He needs to be inviting so the boy's soul will feel better about going with him. "I'm afraid you are no longer alive, James."

"Bucky."

Steve brows raise at that, his expression left empty otherwise. It's not usual for the dead to gather up their wits so quickly. "Pardon?"

"Call me Bucky."

"Right. Bucky. Will you come with me?" Steve offers his hand out, figuring that if the boy is willing to share his nickname with him that this may be an easy process. 

He's wrong, of course.

"Where to?" 

"Heaven."

"I can't."

Steve sighs. "Bucky, I know it feels that way now, but trust me when I say that you will get-"

"No, I mean I really can't," the boy cuts him off again. Bucky shakes his head slowly, sounding final with his words. "I have a lil' sister and I need to take care of her. I was pickin' up her medicine when this asshole ran into me." Bucky sneers at the drunk driver who appears to have called for medical help, if the flashing vehicles making their way down the road is anything to go by.

"I'm sure your sister will be fine." Steve tries, his voice softening even more as he attempts to urge Bucky to grab his hand. 

"Are ya deaf? I just said I can't! Rebecca needs me. I'm the only one takin' care of her while mom's out on another business trip. She's sick and I need to get her the medicine! If she doesn't get it..." Bucky's voice trails off, his eyes widening further. "She'll end up like this," he finishes, voice so low Steve hardly hears him. 

Bucky is not wrong. If his sister is as sick as he says, then she, too might find her way onto Steve's list. Still, he has a job to do.

"I'm sorry, Bucky, but there's nothing I can-"

"I challenge ya!" Bucky shouts suddenly, a finger pointed right at Steve. "Play a game with me! If I win, you let me go. If you win, I'll go with ya." 

Steve blinks. He keeps his gaze on the boy for a full minute before he processes what he said. Bucky is challenging him? No one in his line of work has ever challenged him. How could they when they were swept away in endless tears or questioning everything about the afterlife? He's not even sure if there's a certain set of rules on what to do in this case. No one, not one person in the thousands upon thousands of souls that he has safely guided across the border to the afterlife has ever stopped to challenge death. They either accepted their fate, or they tried to run from it. 

And yet, this young boy who stands in front of him awaiting an answer, is fully prepared to challenge him. While bargaining is against the rules in most cases, an accepted event with a fifty-fifty chance of different results is not. So he's left with the choice to reject Bucky's offer and try to persuade him that it's his time to leave this world, leading to him eventually moving onto reaping another soul. Then another, and another... Or, he can accept Bucky's challenge and see where things go. 

He makes his decision fairly quickly.

"I accept."

Bucky's grin grows, and something that Steve can only assume is hope is making his eyes glow brighter. "I'm thinkin' of a number between one and five, both of them included. You get two chances to guess it right, but if you're wrong both times, I win. Got it?" 

Steve must admit that for a child who just got run over by a car and is suddenly facing Death himself, Bucky is holding himself up very well. He knows the boy is still scared, the shaky outline of his soul giving it away, but it's still far more impressive than any other person he's met so far. 

He nods. The game is simple enough.

"Four," he guesses, watching Bucky carefully. 

The young teenager remains smiling as he quickly shakes his head in the negative. "Nope. Try again!"

Steve stays silent while the last four possible digits float around in his thoughts. He licks his lips before speaking. "One."

Bucky's grin falters, his expression momentarily falling for just a split second before he's forcing a smile once again. "Nuh-uh! Sorry!"

He's lying. Bucky's nervous soul quivers and Steve knows that it's false. He guessed correctly.

He knows he guessed correctly, though he nods in accordance anyway. 

"Five years, Bucky. You get five more years for winning. Use them wisely." Steve holds his hand out once more, but for the first time in decades he lowers it, sending the exuberant soul back into its body. He is positive he hears the beginnings of a protest from the boy, but he's already gone by the time he can get a single word in. Steve blinks once, opening his eyes to Bucky's body in a much less mangled position. Time temporarily stops when a soul is taken from a body, or rather, it speeds up to the point that if they were to return to the living, it will feel like no time has passed. That's the same case here as he watches the ambulance finally arrive.

It'll hurt, but Bucky will live. He'll live to return to his sister and give her the medicine she needs. He'll live, and so will she as a result. 

Steve turns away as people run over to the kid who was run over by a car and descends back into the shadows for the next soul on his list. 

This is the first time he's ever broken his routine.


	2. Age 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something about Bucky that makes Steve feel... alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to Emma for beta-reading.

Age 20

 

It's time.

After five years, Steve knew Bucky’s name would eventually pop back out from the list of the few names he had on hold. If he were honest with himself, he would even say he's excited for the first time in decades. The past five years were just a reminder of how dreadful and boring his job is. Important or not, reaping souls just isn't fun. 

He waited patiently for the day he would see Bucky's name again, and yet when it finally appears, he frowns. What if the boy- now young man at twenty- went willingly this time? He doesn't want that. There's something about Bucky that entrances Steve. There's something about Bucky that makes Steve feel... alive. 

Pushing those thoughts away for the time being, he closes his eyes and concentrates on his target's face, opening them to reveal a room. He stays hidden for a moment, taking in his surroundings. There are posters on the walls of various videogames Steve has seen before. In front of him is an empty bed, rumpled as an obvious sign of it not being made, and to his left is an occupied chair by a desk. He arches a brow at the figure's back, noticing how Bucky's hair has grown out since he last saw him. That's not too surprising. It has been five years. 

After looking at the back of the man's head for a full minute, Steve takes a moment to materialize into the room. He waits, knowing full well that his presence will eventually be noticed. It's not long until Bucky tenses up in his seat, freezing in place. Steve hears the drop of a pen before the man shoots up from his chair, turning around with a flash of horror across his face. 

Steve gazes into his eyes, admiring the mix of blue and gray there before looking at the rest of his face. Bucky has definitely grown. He stands taller now, no longer the growing teenager he was five years ago. He thought seeing so many faces each day would have made him numb to the appeal of human features, but looking at Bucky confirms how wrong he was.

Steve can only describe him as beautiful. Bucky is downright _gorgeous_. 

He opens his mouth to speak but is almost immediately cut off by the young man, "So it wasn't a dream, huh?" Bucky gazes at him, eyes trailing over Steve. There's not much to see. Steve keeps everything except his face covered with a dark cloak. 

"Afraid not, Bucky." He smiles softly, slowly holding out his hand. "Will you please come with me?" Steve hopes Bucky doesn't see the inner turmoil building inside of him. _Say no. Say no. Say no._

The man takes a hesitant step forward and Steve has to clench his jaw to prevent himself from frowning. Bucky doesn't take his hand though. Instead, he reaches forward and grasps Steve's cloak, pulling him in. Gray-blue eyes meet his and he just about melts. 

Bucky leans in close, his breath ghosting over Steve's lips as he smirks up at the being. "C'mon darlin'. I'm sure even Death has to let loose sometimes, don'tcha? I'll treat ya right." He raises his hand to caress Steve's cheek as he begins trailing kisses along his jaw. 

Steve doesn't move, only doing so when Bucky tilts his head to the side to get access to his mostly concealed neck. The kisses and occasional nips to his vessel's skin bring back a familiar feeling underneath that he hasn't felt since the day he himself passed away. It's a warm feeling under his skin that he refuses to put a name to. A small grunt escapes Bucky as he pulls away, hands dropping to cling onto Steve's robe. He glares at the reaper, possibly due to the fact Steve did not respond the way he wanted him to. 

Steve tilts his head to the side while his expression remains neutral. He gazes at the young man for a few moments before speaking up, "It is against the rules to be intimate with what I'm trying to collect."

Bucky's hands tighten against his robe, a desperate look appearing on his face. Steve watches him swallow thickly as his eyes look into his. "That didn't stop ya from breakin' the rules before." The fists gripping Steve’s robe pull him closer just a bit, forcing his forehead to bump against Bucky's. "Please."

That's when Steve sees it. It's the look he sees everyday while doing his job. It only takes a few seconds for him to decide that he doesn't like that look on Bucky. He doesn't look good with fear in his eyes, and Steve wants to erase any evidence of it immediately. He wants to see the determined eyes he saw five years ago again. Normally by now, he would just press his fingers to a human's forehead and watch as their life flashes before them and their bodies fall limp. Some go with smiles and some filled with regret. He can't bring himself to do that now, though. 

Instead, he finds the words escaping him before he can properly think about them. "Let's play another game."

That at least replaces the desperate and pleading look Bucky has with one of confusion. Knowing he has his attention, Steve clears his throat before backing away. He forgot how close they were. The man - the one he was supposed to have taken from this world by now - sits up straighter as he looks Steve over. "A game? Like before?"

The reaper nods slowly, "A different one. You may choose. Just like last time, the stakes are the same. If you win, you may live five more years. If I win, you will come peacefully with me." 

He stares at Bucky, watching him bite his lower lip before standing up with sudden determination radiating off him. "Deal." He holds his hand out and Steve can feel his lips twitch with the beginning of a smile before his face returns to its usual blank state. Bucky gestures for him to come over while he begins pulling over the desk to his left, knocking over the books that were on it in the process. Before being disturbed, Steve would bet that Bucky was studying. He's at the age to be in college now, right?

"Alright, here's the game. I'm gonna hide this ball," he brings out the tiny item mentioned before continuing, "under one of three cups." Bucky walks over to his bedroom table and opens up a drawer. After pulling out three plastic cups, he returns to set them down side by side on the now clear desk table. "I'm gonna show ya which cup the ball is under before movin' the cups around. Once I'm done, you're goin' to pick the one you think it's under. If you're right, you win. If you're wrong, I win. Got it?"

It seems simple enough. Steve nods once before focusing intently on the ball. Unfortunately for Bucky, Steve has amazing eyesight. The eyes of the vessel he is using may not be his, but he has had it long enough now that his powers have blended with them. There's no chance he will lose.

Bucky seems to think otherwise as he hides the ball under the middle cup with a smirk, raising his brows at Steve before tapping on the same cup for emphasis. "Ready?"

Steve barely has to nod again before Bucky's hands are flying around the table, cups in hand but never lifting enough to confirm where the ball is. Steve follows the movement of the cup with the ball hidden under it perfectly. He stares so intently that he even notices the exact moment the cup is lifted so very slightly to allow the ball to escape and hide in Bucky's sleeve. He immediately stops watching after that, the realization sinking in quickly. 

Bucky's trying to hustle him.

Bucky is trying to hustle the grim reaper. 

Steve’s lips twitch once more, except this time he doesn't stop the smile that results from it. He follows the trail up to Bucky's eyes just as his hands begin to slow down. Noticing Steve staring at him causes the cocky smirk to disappear and a crease to form on his forehead. He must think Steve knows, and he does, but he says nothing.

Instead, he points at a random cup without looking. "That one."

The surprise that flashes on Bucky's face doesn't go unnoticed before he's grinning and lifting the cup up to reveal nothing there. "Wrong! I win!" 

Steve takes a few steps back after the revelation, watching Bucky's smile for just a few moments before he snaps his fingers. He's gone before the young man can even notice. 

"Five more years," he whispers into Bucky's ear from the shadows before he departs.


	3. Age 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's blood on his face, blood on his back, blood everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're a saint, Emma!

Age 23

Steve isn't expecting to see Bucky for another year and a half, and so it's a big surprise to him when he sees the man's name on his list before then.

James Buchanan Barnes. Explosive; blood loss.

Steve feels the frown on his face before he even appears next to the young mortal, but he isn't sure why. This is probably a sign that it's truly Bucky's time to go. Perhaps it was foolish to challenge Fate in the first place. 

He also isn't expecting to arrive outside of New York where Bucky usually resides. He glances around quickly and he immediately regrets it. Bucky is suddenly not the only name on his list. 

Timothy Dunan. Explosive.

The one word cause of death makes sense after looking around. Timothy is... everywhere. 

It's not a pleasant sight. Even Steve has to close his eyes and regain his composure. There's no struggle when he allows the man's soul to rise from the bits of his body to form the outline of the man he once was. There's already a knowing look on his face. He does not fight when Steve offers out his hand. There’s no way he can run back to his body, after all. 

Steve guides the soul on the path to Heaven quickly, eager to find Bucky as soon as possible. He instantly freezes in place. What if Bucky is in the same situation? Will he even be able to find his soul if there's no body to be found? Steve tries to ignore the sudden pounding in his head. Reapers don't get headaches. They don't get sick. And they certainly, above all, do not feel fear. 

At least, that's what he tells himself.

All those thoughts disappear once he spots a moving figure from the corner of his eye. He turns, recognizing the outline of that body anywhere, even with the addition of muscles.

_Bucky._

He's in front of him instantly. 

Steve trails his eyes over the man, a sinking feeling in his gut. There's blood on his face, blood on his back, blood everywhere. Upon closer inspection however, it's not all his. Steve furrows his brows when he realizes it must have belonged to poor Dugan. Bucky must have been nearby, but luckily (why was that lucky?) he wasn't the victim of the full explosion.

That doesn't mean Bucky's safe. His name wouldn't have appeared on Steve's list if he wasn't going to die. 

Bucky is looking at him with wide, panicked eyes, his breathing erratic with every exhale. His gaze seems unfocused and the reaper has to wonder if the man is fully there with him. 

Assuming he saw his partner blow up, Steve isn't surprised. 

He glances behind the body, noticing a trail in the dirt. Bucky must have been crawling. He was probably trying to find help. 

He isn't going to make it. 

Steve spots the real problem when he kneels down. Bucky's left arm... well, it's probably still back with the rest of Dungan to say the least. That's where the blood loss comes in. Bucky will only make it so far before he faints and eventually bleeds out. 

Steve can't explain why that thought makes his chest feel tight. He swallows thickly as he watches the other, looking over him multiple times just in case he missed anything. 

Normally, he would wait and watch his victim die just in case a miracle doesn't happen and he can quickly get on with his endless list. This isn't a normal case though, is it? It's Bucky. Steve can't explain why the thought of Bucky dying makes him feel so many emotions he thought he would never feel again. Anger, fear, and even sadness overwhelm him. There's no way out this time, and Steve clenches his fists. 

He bites his lower lip as he reaches his hand out. Bucky's still looking at him with those large distant eyes and something inside Steve breaks. 

He can't do this. He _has_ to though. It's his _job_. 

... Or does he?

The dust in his brain from working mindlessly blows away and he's left with an idea. They found a loophole before, so they can find one again. Bucky is in no condition to challenge him this time, but there has to be another way. Steve goes over a list of possibilities in his head, going through them at rapid speed considering this is, quite literally, a life or death situation. 

‘Life’, he snorts, thinking to himself. ‘She would have my head if she heard about this.’ It’s his duty to take souls and lead them to the afterlife, yet here he is trying to make an exception for one silly human. He made a commitment to- ‘Wait.’ A metaphorical lightbulb appears over his head as he spots Bucky's eyes closing. 

The deal was that Steve had to allow Bucky to live for five more years since the last challenge. The man is not yet twenty five and therefore he should not be dead yet. It would (if you squint) technically be breaking the deal if Bucky were to die before twenty five. 

With that firmly settled into his head, the reaper snaps his fingers and not only teleports Bucky to the nearest medical assistance, but does what he can to prevent Bucky's body from failing him. 

Nobody can die if Death refuses to take them, right? 

Steve watches from afar as people run to the fallen man's aid for a few moments before disappearing with the wind. 

\----- 

He's about to look at his list when something tickles his side. The reaper squints and turns around, eyes widening. 

In front of him stands a figure so beautiful that any human would fall to their knees at the sight. She has long red hair and bright green eyes that promise warmth. She wears a long white dress, but Steve knows better than to fall for her innocent appearance. She is a lot stronger than him, and more adored, by far. 

"Damn it," Steve mutters under his breath, though by the woman's growing smile he can tell she heard him anyway. "Hello, Life."

"Not expecting me?" She tilts her head to the side. "No need for formalities, Steve. While it's true I came here to ask questions, I would have thought we were close enough friends by now."

"I knew you were coming, I just didn't think it would be this soon. I haven't even prepared a defense." Steve chuckles, nodding to himself. "Of course you're my friend, Natasha. It's been decades now, hasn't it?" 

"Sometimes I forget how young you still are. Ever since the previous death handed over his position you've done such a good job at taking over." She steps forward, smile growing as she looks at the reaper fondly. 

Most would think that Life and Death are constantly fighting, but in fact it's the opposite case. They rely on each other daily. Without Natasha, Steve has no one to take to the afterlife, and without Steve, Natasha would suffer with ill and overly aged corpses eventually. She has a duty to take care of all life, and that includes Earth itself. The planet would probably not appreciate humans destroying it in its entirety thanks to overpopulation. 

"You do know giving life is my job, don't you?" Natasha interrupts his distant thoughts. Her arms are crossed over her chest and suddenly Steve feels as if he is being scorned by his own mother. 

He shuffles in place, acutely aware of his list growing longer and longer by the minute. "I didn't wish to offend you."

Life throws her head back in a laugh, a beautiful sound that animals and humans alike would follow to the grave if given the opportunity. "Oh Steve, don't be silly! I simply don't understand why. What's so special about this human you gave a second chance to?" 

Steve opens his mouth to respond before closing it and furrowing his brows. He doesn’t have an answer; not one that doesn't sound embarrassing at least. Actually, this is the third time he's given Bucky another chance. Instead of answering, he swallows thickly and lowers his gaze to the empty darkness surrounding them. 

"I see," Natasha hums. "I'll let you return to your duty now. It was nice seeing you, Steve. We'll meet again soon." 

Steve looks up just in time to see her knowing smile as she disappears. Natasha is a good friend, but even after all these years he still doesn't understand her thinking half the time. 

He closes his eyes and pulls up his mental list, ignoring the fast beating of his cold and useless heart as he teleports to his next victim.


End file.
